Sleepy Saturday

Contrary to my expectations, Robert slept until nearly nine this morning, partially because the lousy weather meant it was surprisingly dark all morning. This spoiled my plans to take him outside and get some pictures of him, so that will have to wait for tomorrow. I need ten or fourteen good pictures of him taken outside for a project whose details I will disclose later if  things work out. But it has to be sunny! Today was just hot. But at least we got to sleep in.

We did the typical two-meals, four bottles, and a snack for baby food today, with another frozen banana as the snack. Robert was fussy in the evening, even after Orajel and Children's Tylenol for the teething, so we gave him a diluted bottle to chew and suck on. He doesn't like water much yet, but even a little formula taste makes him happier. He went to bed really early, poor munchkin. Tooth soon, please! During the day he was better, near-crawling all over the place, and actually making some progress walking in the aroundy-go. He's smiley and happy and pleasant for most of the day and very fun to be around, it's just when he gets tired in the evening that it gets hard.

When Robert was occupied or sleeping today, I answered more questions on ChaCha. It's kinda fun, and I ended up making fifteen more dollars today. I won't get rich on it, but it's a lot more than I usually make sitting on my butt at the computer! And hey, if I'm careful and keep up my 66% savings average, 25 dollars is like 75 dollars worth of buying power! Every little bit helps, and if I can keep from dipping into our savings, I will be really proud.

Questions and Answers

So things are going pretty good so far on the earning money online thing. I got approved as a ChaCha.com guide, answering text message-sized questions with text-sized answers for 10-15 cents a pop. It's like Yahoo Answers, but faster and you get paid, so I rather like it. I made almost 7.50 today just doing it for a couple hours, mostly after the baby went to bed. There's a referral program, so if this works out, I will happily pass it along to anyone else who is interesting in trying their hand. I also got my first article approved on another site. So cross your fingers and hope that lots of people need the information I have to share!

Robert had a very busy day. He is so, so, so close to crawling. Not only can he get up on his hands and knees and rock, he can get up on his hands and toes and arch his whole body! He is sort of crawling already, but he can only move backwards. His arms are just so much stronger than his chubby little legs! He played with his balloon and had lots of solid food, and it was very nice. He also got a lot of sitting up practice. He's getting a lot better at that, he's learned he needs to lean forward a little to stay upright, and he even caught himself once with his hand. Victoria provided a strong incentive for him to stay upright, because he is extremely interested in her right now. We had to rescue her from baby hands more than once! M and I traded off naps and chores, and it was all in all a pretty good Friday.

Streams of Revenue

Today was a very nice morning. M got up with Robert and actually took Robert to school with him so I could have a rest and really sleep in. I took full advantage, catching up on several days of restless nights. It was great! When they got home, we Skyped with my folks. My mom just had her surgery and she is doing pretty well, with any luck, she will come home tomorrow! Hooray! And I'm so happy that she's got the laptop now, it will make her convalescence so much nicer. When Skyping was done, I gave Robert garden veggie baby food out of a jar, while M got a much-deserved nap.

For supper, Robert had carrots and blueberry-banana out of my freezer stash. I really like this homemade food thing! I think when I have my WIC appointment next week, I will ask for less baby food coupons and more fresh produce vouchers. I would like to try more of different produce. Fresh avocado is a reliable hit (plus I'm really starting to like it myself), and carrots are great. I would also like to try some squashes, green beans, freeze some more bananas. We definitely need more bananas. Baby loves his frozen nanners! M and I had macaroni and peas for supper, to which I added the rest of the barbecue chicken from the crockpot last week. Man, that turns out really well, and is so easy! I don't worry about making barbecue chicken anymore, because after we are tired of sandwiches, we can do this!

Okay, what you do is you make barbecue chicken in the crockpot. Take enough thighs and legs to reasonably fill your pot, and peel as much of the skin off as you can. Pour in most of a bottle of barbecue sauce. I use whatever I've gotten free at the store recently. Let it cook for six hours. After about four, take the bones out and start picking apart the big lumps of chicken. After six, mash it all up like you would pulled port, and get out any of the gristly bits from the ends of the bones that might be left. Voila, barbecue chicken! It's great on sandwiches, with just a little extra barbecue sauce for more flavor.

After you're bored of sandwiches, it's time for macaroni. Take two boxes of macaroni and cheese, and a big pot half full of water. Boil the water, then cook the noodles three minutes. Toss in half a bag of frozen peas, and cook until the noodles are tender. Meanwhile, take a cup and a half or two cups of barbecue chicken leftovers, or whatever you've got, and microwave them till warm. When the noodles and peas are done, drain them and return them to the pot. Dump in the chicken, the cheese packets, and a lot of garlic salt. At least a teaspoon, maybe more to taste. This is a lot of macaroni to season. Add whatever butter and milk you normally add to mac and cheese. I use half a stick of margarine and about a quarter cup of milk, because I don't like it runny. Stir everything up really well, and eat it! It's great, trust me. It's also a good way to use up pulled pork.

Anyway, the other thing I did today was look for paying work online. I got a newsletter from All You about it, and thought it would be worth exploring. So I signed up with a couple of content-for-pay websites, and one answer questions for pay website. I did up a little writing sample that was 900 words about bird care, and submitted it, and was accepted to both sites. I'm sort of in limbo with all three places at the moment while they review me, but I'm optimistic. I've done all right with a couple of online endeavors so far, and while this isn't going to be a job-equivalent for me, if I can even make 150 dollars a month, well that's my entire grocery budget right there!

If there's one time of year that reminds me of how precarious our finances are, it's August and September. We still have all the money I put in savings for the summer, but doggone it, I want to keep it there! I'm pretty sure I'll have to dip in at least once when September's rent comes due along with the other bills, but if I could eventually replace that money, it would be great. And in this economy, there is security in multiple streams of revenue, even if most of those streams are closer to trickles. I spend a lot of time online anyway, might as well make that and my research skills pay. Wish me luck, and I will update on that as things develop.

A Roll of a Seven, A Lucky Surprise

Happy seven month birthday, Robert! He celebrated his birthday by being cranky most of the day. That tooth has just got to come in soon! He wouldn't take an afternoon nap, and was exhausted but sleepless by six. We eventually got him down around seven, which probably means he'll be up again at six. Which means I've got to get to bed pretty soon here. He's been getting lots of fruit in his teether lately, and making a huge mess, but he likes it. I took a whole bunch of pictures, which you can see on the Flickr photostream, as well as one for the page here. He's getting baths a lot more frequently these days, that's for sure. Between sweat and fruit, he can be a sticky, stinky baby. But he also likes the bath a lot, now that he has a bath book and a boat to play with. I think he will have even more fun once he's reliably sitting up without my help in there.

I know I was talking yesterday about how things were when we first realized Robert was coming into our lives. I wrote a letter to the baby, or to the idea of the baby, on the night of August 16. I went to look at it today, and realized that both the file and the backup had been corrupted! I was really sad, but when I opened the file in Wordpad I was able to find a raw-text, barely readable version still left. It's sad how ephemeral things like that can be, isn't it? The only way to preserve anything digitally, I guess, is to have enough backups that they can't all be lost. In the spirit of that, and of sharing with you all, here's the retyped version of the letter I wrote: 

Dear Baby: 

Hello, for the very first time. I won't know for sure until tomorrow if this hello is premature, but at this point the evidence is suggestive that you and I have been hanging out for awhile, with me all unawares. You're very sneaky! If I'm wrong, and you have decided not to show up yet, then that's okay. We will meet another time. But I feel flutters inside me and I know they can't all be the butterflies of waiting for the doctor tomorrow. I've already taken two pregnancy tests, and you're certainly indicating your existence there! Way to not be shy. That's important, especially in a family with two very distractible parents. I am sure you will never have much of a problem getting our attention.

I feel a lot of different ways right now, knowing you're here. It explains all the moodiness and funny feelings I've had this summer. It explains the time at the Honda dealership where I nearly passed out and threw up in the poor dealer's trash can! But you never made me sick for very long, and that's why I never noticed, I guess. I owe you for that one. I hate puking. Your dad and I didn't see this coming, but it wasn't because we didn't want you. When I was in college, my doctor told me I wouldn't have children without medical assistance. That can get really expensive, and be so heartbreaking. I didn't know if I would ever be ready to walk that road, even though I wanted kids. We thought that maybe when we were older, when he was finished with school, when the economy turned around and I had a job with insurance. I didn't see the signs, because I just never thought to look. 

Maybe the timing isn't so good for us right now, but if you're here, it's a miracle, and that's not something to be disregarded or wasted or ever, ever regretted. You were created in love, and will be born in love, and raised in an extended family full of love and support and laughter and prayers. I don't know where the money's going to come from, but we will figure it out. Everyone is going to be thrilled to have you. Allie and Kirsten have been bugging me to introduce you to them for nearly five years now, and they will be very excited. We haven't said anything to anyone yet, because I just took the test this morning, after you squirmed all night and kept me up. Then I took the other one this afternoon, because it was so hard to believe. If we're lucky, maybe we'll see your picture tomorrow at the clinic, and we can share you with everyone. 

Right now, the whole thing feels huge inside my head, and it's hard for me to wrap my mind around. I look at the baby development websites, and it's like my thought process just flips off, and I can only stare and wonder. I feel bad that I didn't see earlier, that I didn't start taking the vitamins weeks ago, and that I ate all that ramen. Sorry about that, baby, it was delicious, and my will is weak! At least I don't smoke or drink, and my iced tea habit is apparently much better than coffee or soda. I promise I will do better by you from now on. I'm sure that later on we will place many expectations on your likely-oversized head (hey, it runs in the family!), but for now, all I want is for you to be healthy and whole and okay. 

Maybe we only just found out about you, but we love you already, and we're going to do our very best for you. I hope you can ignore or forgive the lapses and mistakes along the way, and that we can give you the sort of life that you deserve. I'm so sorry that we aren't bringing you into a better world, and that the place and time we live in is so messed up in so many ways. I'm sure your dad will teach you that every time and place is messed up in its own way, but if I could make you a perfect world, I would in a heartbeat. But it'll be okay, I promise. Let's both get some sleep now, and hopefully I will see you in the morning. 

Love, for the very first time, 

Mom

An Anniversary of Sorts

Tomorrow is Robert's seven month birthday! That is a milestone in and of itself, of course. Seven months, what a big boy! But today is also special because one year ago today, I woke up very early on a Sunday morning and left M sleeping to drive out to Walgreens. I had been having such strange feelings in my stomach for the past couple of days, I was no longer able to sleep for worrying. I had to prove to myself, I thought, that it was gas bubbles I was feeling, or indigestion, or whatever. I left a note on M's computer that I'd run out to get a new hairbrush (which was something I happened to need at the time anyway), and would be back soon, just in case he woke while I was gone. I thought I would go out to Walgreens, get a test, come back, reassure myself that I was imagining things, and have the evidence disposed of by the time M woke. Not that I was worried about him seeing it, really, but I would've felt so silly. We both knew I was infertile, and on birth control pills besides! I felt like a little bit of an idiot even entertaining the notion, but the persistent strange feelings in my stomach would not be denied.

Buying a pregnancy test is a little embarrassing no matter what the circumstances, I think. Luckily, the store was pretty empty before seven in the morning on a Sunday. I decided against the Walgreens brand and sprang for a two-pack on one of the more inexpensive name-brands. I also bought the hairbrush, and some headbands, and a can of iced tea, and some candy, just to show that I was totally not out first thing on a Sunday morning for the sole purpose of buying a pregnancy test, no sir. I'm pretty sure the cashier didn't care even a little bit one way the other. When I went home, M was still sleeping, no note necessary. Ah, those days of lazy weekend slumber! I left him sleeping and went into the bathroom. I had barely gotten the post-test plastic cap onto the wretched thing before the big bold PLUS sign was becoming visible. I just sat there for a few minutes and looked at it. I was stunned, but somehow I was not surprised. The kicky feet inside me were not gas and not indigestion, and deep down I think I had known they were not, but I was in such deep denial that I had made myself disbelieve.

Telling M was the next thing on the agenda. If I had it to do over again, I probably would've just waited till he woke up, but I was not thinking entirely straight at the moment. Basically I woke him up and waved the test at him and told him it was positive, and he had no idea what I was showing him or what I was talking about. It took several minutes for us to get onto the same page and wasn't exactly the sort of storybook reveal I sort of thought it would be if we ever did have a kid, but the circumstances were also not exactly what we had envisioned. We had no idea how pregnant I was, or even if the test was accurate, or what on earth we were going to do now. At that point, we did not even know the month we conceived, much less have an idea on things like last menstrual cycle or due date. It was entirely overwhelming. In the days to come, we would go to New Hope for the first time, take three more pregnancy tests (all positive, of course) and get an ultrasound to show us the face of our unexpected addition. But when I think back on that day, it's sort of funny, how absolutely shocked we were.

We didn't actually do anything that day, because it was a Sunday and no one was open. We didn't call anyone, I'm not even sure we really said the word "pregnant" beyond the initial conversation. It wasn't until the next day that we got the other tests done, and I felt comfortable enough with the reality of it all that we started telling people. My dad was in the hospital for tests on his heart, and I almost waited to call them, but decided not to. If he was going to have a heart attack, might as well do it in the hospital, I figured! I was a little worried what the reaction from our folks might be. I didn't have a job or any insurance, we were barely scraping by as it was. The last time I'd talked with my dad about my prospects for the future, I'd wound up crying (which makes a lot more sense in retrospect, with the whole hormones thing.) But of course my parents were just thrilled, and M's parents were thrilled, and they were 100% behind us all the way. My mom was just beside herself with excitement, and it was actually pretty funny.

I didn't have this blog active back then, but I did have another online journal I was keeping, a more private one that is not quite as open for the world to see. I posted a message there on August 17, 2009 for my friends that I will replicate here for posterity:

This has been such a weird summer. Sure we've been in a new place and I still haven't gotten a job, but there have been other weird things as well. Like the dizzy spells. Sometimes when I was walking around or in the shower, I would start feeling really funny and need to sit down or lie down. Then there was the great grandpappy dizzy spell back in May, when I all but fainted on the floor at the Honda dealership, then threw up in the poor manager's trash can. Then there was the moodiness, to the point where I was fighting tears if I didn't win initiative in a game or saw an especially sentimental commercial. I thought it was because I was depressed about not working. I gained some weight, too, but I did get off Weight Watchers, and it wasn't like I grew out of all my clothes or anything...

You know, when you put it all together, it seems far more suggestive than it did at the time. But when a doctor has assured you that something won't happen without significant medical intervention, it's just not the first thing on your mind, and when you haven't had a regular menstrual cycle since high school, missing a couple periods isn't something you think much about. But when something starts butting its head against your pelvis and demanding attention should be paid, well, attention generally gets paid. 

All that said, guess what, everyone! We're spawning! It's not an ideal time for it, but considering I didn't know if it would happen at all, I'll take a miracle as it comes. After four pregnancy tests to confirm it, anyway. It's hard to doubt at that point, especially when you started taking them to figure out what was wiggling and jiggling and tickling inside you. We're getting an ultrasound ASAP to figure out how far along we are, but we could have a new Davisling come January. Wow! It seems like so little time with so much to do, but at least we noticed now, and aren't one of those couples who show up at the hospital in labor, all unawares. We'll be very busy, but there's time for a little shock and awe yet. 


What a difference a year makes, huh? It's hard to believe how quickly it's gone, or what a beautiful baby came from such slapdash and makeshift origins. But I think it's reassuring too, Robert has always been a baby who has his own. We're there to give him everything we can, but he's an independent little cuss, and he's going to make it just fine. 

Guest Post: Bobby LaBonte

Thanks to Roman May

My son Spencer was three at the time, while we were watching the Michigan race in I think 1995. Vroom vroom, he use to say while we tuned our satalite tv. to the now weekend ritual. "Bobby BaBonte", he would say, as the Winston cup champions would glide around the oval. I think "Bobby Babonte" was one of his first words, either way; this is why I've become a Bobby fan. The green number 18, at the time, was pretty much the only car my son could pull out of the crowd. Bobby won that day, and the excitement of race day with dad just gets me every time.

His uncle Alex pulled down a number 18 car from his collection at the bar and handed it to my son. His eyes lit up, and set him of on his "Bobby Babonte" Chant. To this day I get a chuckle from knowing that the name on the matchbox car was Dale Jared, not Bobby. Bobby is just a year older than I, and I hope to see him come out of his racing career strong. I thank him for those Michigan racesmy son and I shared. Now 15 years later it's still a memory we cherish.

Going Bananas

Today at church there were so many babies! We sat in the back on the blanket, and there was M and I and Robert, and another little baby and his big sister and their mom, and another little boy and girl and their mom, and the twins and their moms, and it was just a huge baby convention. Robert thought it was awesome. He loves other babies, he thinks they are fascinating. In another few months he will probably express this by trying to poke and smack them, but for right now he mostly just watches. Some of the long-time members were obviously tickled to see such a baby boom. Which is good, because Robert was a pistol through the whole service, so it's just as well that people like him! This teething thing is rough business.

I've started using the Munchkin Fresh Food Feeder  with Robert, after a friend recommended it to me. She said it was the only thing that made her teething baby happy. I sliced up a banana and froze the slices in an ice cube tray, then shoved enough of them in to fill the little mesh bag. I thought it might take a little while for Robert to figure it out, but within thirty seconds, he had the mesh part in his mouth and was sucking and mashing like a champ. He loved it, and the bananas are good for him, and it probably feels pretty good on his gums. Unfortunately, it's far from a clean proposition, and he ended up with banana in places I didn't even know it was possible for a baby to get banana. He looked like he'd put on hair gel, but it was banana. We gave him a bath this morning before church, and he could probably use another one. But it makes him happy!

I was very annoyed with the newspaper today. I started getting home delivery of the newspaper to avoid having to go out and pick it up every Sunday, and because it is cheaper. Today, my newspapers didn't come at all! I waited till after church to make sure they weren't just late, but apparently the office closes at noon on Sunday, so I was out of luck. Someone did respond to my email this afternoon, but they said they wouldn't redeliver the papers, they would just credit my account. And a fat lot of good that does me, when I've already paid for a year, and after that year the price goes up! What I paid for the papers I didn't get today isn't going to buy me a paper a year from now! I emailed them back and told them that since it was their fault I had to go out and buy two newspapers today, they should credit me the newsstand price instead. We'll see what they say about that.

Robert and I did a little shopping today, not groceries, but we went to Michael's. I had a coupon for 25% off my entire purchase including sale stuff, and I was hope-hope-hoping the paper stacks would be on sale. They were last week when I went to get some pipe cleaners, but no luck. Robert, who'd been super-fussy, did fall asleep in the store though, so that was nice. I did get some good deals, I got some plastic dishes and some picture frames that were very cheap. It was pouring down rain by the time we were done, so we made an unscheduled detour to Babies R Us, where I just happened to have a coupon in my coupon pouch. We picked up refills for the Diaper Genie. Not cute, but useful. Then I went to both CVS stores and neither of them had this weeks sale items and neither of them had the newspaper. Very disappointing. I ended up having to stop by a gas station on the way home to get them. Sigh.

Anyway, everybody give prayers and good thoughts to my mom, who gets her hip replaced tomorrow! She got one done a couple years ago, and now she needs the other one. It's a big surgery, but she's going to feel so much better when it's done!